Life of a Creative Mum

Singing with no voice
February 12, 2010, 9:50 pm
Filed under: Creative Mum

I’m supposed to be performing tomorrow night, at Falcon Arts in Marlboro, NY. I’ve played there a few times before, and the hosts are great people, the room is beautiful (though this is the first time I’d be performing in their new space, but I’m thinking it will be as special as the old space, the barn in the Falco’s back yard), and the people who come to listen actually listen.

But we all three caught some kind of killer bronchial cold from Harvey’s cousins on the West Coast last weekend, and this morning I called Falcon Arts to say that I wouldn’t be able to play after all.

Morgan took Harvey out to lunch and to run errands so that I could get some work done, but instead, I took some painkillers for all the aches and congestion, and picked up my bass to see if I could get any notes out at all. I stood alone in the empty house and sang, and felt a part of myself re-emerge from somewhere I hadn’t known.

Something about performing that I always found important was to be constantly creating something new and bringing it out into the world. I didn’t like it when I heard people play all the time, and they always played the same songs, over and over again, I felt like they must be bored. Now that I don’t perform any where near as often as I used to – twice since Harvey was born nearly 2 years ago, compared to several times a month for the 10 years before that – and have written even fewer songs – none since well before Harvey was born – I felt that if I was actually going to play, then I would need to have written something new, even if I didn’t perform it tomorrow night, it was just important for me to be active as a songwriter to validate to myself that I am still one at all.

One of my fears is that once I had children I would feel the urge to write sweet songs about my babies, so was relieved that when I sat down to write, even though the song was about Harvey, it was about how terrible it would be to lose him – so I can still write sad songs even though I’m very happy!


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